would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I currently don't understand fingers.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
