I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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