This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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