I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
