It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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