i need an iv and a liver transplant
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
