Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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