Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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