I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
