when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I FOUND THE LEGS
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize