Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
