I'm really into asian looking animals
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
