I want to have your abortion
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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