he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
