three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my being single is dangerous.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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