yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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