New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
