I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
