I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nicole vs. Life
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
