How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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