The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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