this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
