i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
