So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
don't judge my taste in strippers
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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