did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
