With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
