no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
