He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
