Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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