everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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