Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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