Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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