i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
ttyl tear gas
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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