easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize