and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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