i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
