when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
