Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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