I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I supernannyed him into submission
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
