Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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