Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
