you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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