So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
