are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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