I think i sorta joined a cult last night
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize