I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
worst night to have a conscience
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
