The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
