Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
