I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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