Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
