dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
