theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
