i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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