i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize