i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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