I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
