i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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