Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
