the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
