Umm I'm too high to move.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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