No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
