If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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