you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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