so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
