just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
