Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
