Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
